


can't find my way to you

by nosecoffee



Series: kids are still depressed when you dress them up [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Aftermath of fight, Alana is the Best, Angst, Arguing, Blatant Hurt, Blood, Connor and Alana are besties, Connor's Spider-Man, Declarations Of Love, Fighting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Love Professions, M/M, New Conspiracy: Connor didn't finish the milk, Some Fluff, Spider-Man - Freeform, That's right, Tree Bros, blatant comfort, descriptions of injuries, kind of, not really - Freeform, spider-man au, superhero au, that's all for now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11286006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecoffee/pseuds/nosecoffee
Summary: "I'm sorry," he croaks and clears his throat. "I should have told you when it happened, I shouldn't have kept it from you, but I was afraid you'd get hurt. I didn't want you to-""You're Spiderman." Evan whispers, and the look of fear melts from his features.(AKA the obligatory aftercare fic in which Connor is Spiderman and they have some things to hash out)





	can't find my way to you

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Anybody Have A Map'
> 
> Sue me, I love them.
> 
> (Also, I imagined the sentence "great responsibility can go fuck itself" in Connor's voice, and it made me laugh)

Connor hisses at the way his ribs twinge as he climbs the tree outside Evan's window. He's never really, _truly_ appreciated it up until now.

He knocks on the window quietly, sitting on the closest branch to the edge of the window. Connor sees movement through his reflection - his reflection who is _still wearing his fucking mask_ \- and scrambles to pull his mask off as the window slides open and Evan looks out at him with a tired, puzzled face.

"Connor? I-it's two am, what are you d-d-doing here?" He stutters out.

Connor shakes his head and shuffles closer to the windowsill. "Can I come in?"

"S-sure." Evan moves back and Connor climbs into the room, landing hard on the floor, with a thump. The light isn't on. Evan hasn't seen him, yet.

"Is your mom home?" Connor prays she isn't. It's bad enough that he has to tell Evan. He can't afford for Heidi to know, too.

"No. She's on g-g-graveyard shift, tonight. What's going o-on?" He sees Evan reach out a hand, but the injury dulled his senses, and he's not quick enough to stop Evan from grazing a hand over his ribs.

He groans in pain and Evan pulls his hand back, as if burned. His hand is smeared with blood.

"J-j-jesus, Connor, are you okay?" Evan rushes over to the light switch and flicks it on. It hurts Connor's eyes. Evan turns; his eyes widen and his jaw drops. Connor's not really sure what he sees.

The ripped costume, the blood, the cut on his forehead that's still kind of dripping blood into his eye, the hair in absolute disarray.

Well, he sees his best friend, standing beaten and bloodied in a Spiderman costume, pale and frightened and obviously in pain.

Evan backs up against his bedroom door. Connor holds his hands up to show him that he means no harm. "I'm sorry," he croaks and clears his throat. "I should have told you when it happened, I shouldn't have kept it from you, but I was afraid you'd get hurt. I didn't want you to-"

"You're Spiderman." Evan whispers, and the look of fear melts from his features. "I've been - I've spent weeks trying to get a picture of you, I fell out of a tree trying to get a picture - I nearly broke my arm - you took me to the hospital - _you,_ all along?"

"Yeah." Nodding makes him dizzy. He stops nodding.

"Christ." Evan runs a hand through his hair, leaving a streak of blood on his forehead. He gives Connor a once-over. "You n-need to go to _hospital."_

"I can't just walk in, as Spiderman, and ask them to check if I have broken ribs." Connor responds, leaning subtlety (he hopes) on Evan's desk chair. Without it, he'd have lost his balance a minute or two ago. "And I can't walk in as Connor and expect them to not ask questions. I can't go to hospital, Evan. I can't let anyone know. They'd be in too much danger."

 _"You're_ in danger r-r-right now." Evan insists, gesturing to Connor's torso. "And you're telling _me."_

"I _trust_ you, Evan. And even though you mean the world to me, you're the only one who could help me, right now, so I have to risk it." Connor takes a deep breath and releases the desk chair, stepping towards Evan on unsteady feet. "I wouldn't come here if it wasn't serious."

Evan reaches for him and curls his hands around Connor's elbows. Maybe Connor isn't as discreet as he thinks. Maybe he saw how unsteady Connor is. "I'll go get the First Aid kit. And s-some painkillers. And a cloth." He pulls away, slowly, and gestures vaguely to Connor's costume. "Get o-out of that, and try not to get blood on my bed. I could w-wash it out, but that'd raise way too many un-un-unwanted questions from my mom, and I don't need that, right now."

"You tryna get me naked, Ev?" Connor asks, in a joking tone, trying to lighten the mood.

Evan's expression falls flat. "Please, just do this." He says, words clearer than ever.

Evan leaves the room, quickly, leaving Connor standing in the middle of his room.

He numbly, slowly, strips out of the costume, draping it over Evan's desk chair. His phone's a little cracked from the fight he was just in, but it lights up when he clicks it on.

Connor calls Alana.

"I turned him in." He says, by way of greeting.

 _"I saw."_ She returns, with the same amount of curtness in her voice. _"It was on the news. You looked like a mess."_

"I am." Connor sighs.

_"Did you go to the hospital?"_

"No."

 _"Connor!"_ She sounds outraged, and that's not great, but it's not like she'll run over to Evan's house in the middle of the night just to berate him over...well, actually, she would. But it'd be a hell of a run.

"Don't freak out." Connor reaches up, out of habit, to push his hair behind his ears, and feels the slickness of blood. He pulls it away in disgust, and wipes his hand on his thigh. "I went to Evan's."

 _"So,_ Evan _knows, now?"_ Alana asks.

Connor nods in confirmation and the world swims before his eyes. It takes him a few moments after that to remember that she can't see him nodding. "Yeah."

 _"You know how dangerous that is?"_ Alana questions, sounding legitimately afraid. Connor wishes he'd never given her a reason to sound that way. But, if he hadn't, she could've gone down with that bridge. _"For both of you?"_

Connor shakes his head of the memory. Of the horrible accident right after he was bitten, when the mill bridge, just outside of town collapsed, and he only just managed to save everyone. "Of course I do. It was dangerous telling you, in the first place."

 _"Right. As if you had a choice."_ Alana snorts, as if remembering the way he'd pulled her out from the cars that were crushing her, and told her to hold him tight as the bridge fell. How he'd only just managed to get them into land safely. How she'd stared at him, and gaped. _"Are you gonna be okay?"_

"His mom's a nurse, right? He should know some stuff. And if all goes wrong, I can always rely on Google." Connor considers the statement, briefly, before adding, "And super fast healing powers. Right?"

 _"You're gonna die, one of these days, I swear."_ Alana huffs.

"Currently am, Beck, my dear." Connor says in the most posh voice he can muster.

 _"Fuck off."_ Alana spits, but it's good natured; he can tell. _"Jared's unhappy with you."_

"Jared's always unhappy with me."

_"Yeah, well, he's gonna be even more unhappy when he finds out that you told Evan."_

"I'm counting on it."

_"Okay, you absolute ball of rage. Call me if anything else happens."_

She hangs up before he can say anymore.

His arm is slick on the side with his own blood as it brushes against his ribs. Connor looks down to assess the damage.

There are little nicks from his collar down to his stomach, and a huge gash across the left of his ribs. There are bruises blooming and purpling around the edges of the oozing, jagged cut. There's blood under his fingernails, and his legs are splattered with blood and bruises. Connor can't even imagine what his face looks like, but he can feel blood matting his hair into knots.

It'll take a few washes to get all of the red substance out of his scalp.

His back stings, but before he can check, Evan's shouldering his door open, carrying a towel and washcloth in one hand and a bag of first aid equipment in the other. Connor doesn't even have time to be embarressed by the fact that he's standing in Evan's room in just his briefs when Evan looks up.

He nearly drops it when he sees Connor.

"Oh my god." Evan sets everything down on the bed, and slowly assesses each of Connor's injuries. "I _s-s-seriously_ think you should go to ho-hospital."

"What would I tell them?" Connor feels lightheaded.

"I don't know. Jesus, Connor, you're a mess. T-Turn around." Connor does as he's told and heard Evan gasp, sharply. "What the fuck did-did you d-d-do?"

He doesn't hear Evan swear all that often, so it's a shock to hear it now. "What? What is it?"

"Your back, you _i-i-id-idiot._ Whoever you fought sliced up your back like you were a p-piece of fucking _meat._ Did you f-f-f-fight _Edward goddamn Scissorhands?"_ Evan ushers him onto the towel on his bed and sits behind him. "God, you're a m-mess. I need to see how much bl-blood you've lost."

Evan slowly cleans out the gashes and it hurts but Connor grips the back of Evan's desk chair, with white knuckles, and grits his teeth. When Evan touches his ribs he hisses and Evan frowns. "I can't-can't tell if they're bruised or br-broken. You'll need to get an X-Ray, and those aren't ch-cheap."

"I can afford it." Connor assures him, knowing he won't need it, so long as his powers don't abruptly fail.

Evan snorts, without humour. "Alright, Mr. Hospital-Bills-Aren't-Shit-To-Me."

After Evan's patched up all his cuts with gauze and given his ribs another look, he says, "Take a sh-sh-shower. You're c-covered in blood, and you stink."

Connor does. The water is tinged pink for most of the experience. He looks up while he's towelling off his hair, with one of the darker towels the Hansen's own, and sees his face.

He winces.

Besides the bags, and general hollowness that his face had taken on since the incident with the goddamn spider, he now sports a line over his right eyebrow that arches into his hairline, and a black eye, as well as a busted lip.

It's not attractive in the least.

He hopes his super fast healing powers work well overnight. He can't go home like this.

Evan left neatly folded clothes on his bed, telling Connor to get dressed while he went downstairs to get him something to eat.

The sweatpants are an inch or two too short at the ankle, and the t-shirt is a little too tight, but it doesn't even really matter, because he already feels way better than how he felt climbing the tree outside Evan's window.

Evan enters the room holding a few granola bars and his phone, watching what looks to be a news broadcast.

He pauses it and looks at Connor, then back down at the screen. "I can't b-believe that's you."

Connor grimaces. "I try not to watch the footage that they get of me."

"Why?" He inquires, handing Connor one of them. It's strawberry flavour.

"Makes me self conscious." Connor mumbles, half-unwrapping the bar and sticking a good third of I think in his mouth, beginning to chew.

"That's b-bullshit." Evan says, kicking at his carpet as Connor sits down on the edge of the bed.

Connor shrugs, swallowing the bite that's almost sickeningly sweet. "Throws me off my game." Is his next excuse but he knows Evan isn't buying it.

"Connor." Evan grinds out, glaring at him. Evan never glares. Connor's really done it.

"I feel vain." He admits, rewraps the bar, somewhat, and setting it down on the blue coverlet of Evan's bed. "People are always gushing over Spiderman, the good that he does, how he's always there. Even you. I felt vain just letting all the comments slip by. It felt worse to actually push myself to watch the praise. I don't need that shit. Plus, a lot of people could die if I get cocky. _You_ could die."

Evan scoffs at this statement. "What makes you think that anyone w-would come after me?" He asks, leaning against his closet, a poster of some old cartoon show that was probably ripped out of a magazine crinkling against his shoulder blade. "What makes you think that anyone would want to get to you, li-li-like that?"

"I don't know. I just know that I can't risk it." Connor crumples his hands in the sheets. "I can't lose you, Evan."

"That's _bullshit."_ Evan repeats, completely disbelieving.

"I can't lose you, you're too important." Connor insists, standing up, fists clenched at his sides. Evan frowns at him.

"Stop fu-fu-fu-fucking _lying,"_ he says, striding towards Connor and pushing his shoulders, "it was b-b-b-bad enough-"

Connor grabs Evan's hands and holds them in between their chests. "Do I really need a reason to want you safe? Do I really need a reason to protect you?" He whispers, and Evan still looks angry, but in a helpless kind of way. "What if you were one of the people on the bridge and I couldn't get to you in time? What if someone took you, what if someone hurt you? I can't let that happen, Evan."

"So, what? I'm su-su-supposed to sit id-idly by while you go around ri-risking your life for people you don't know, and not know if you'll make it out al-al-alive, or even uninjured?" Evan demands, ripping away from him. This isn't what Connor wanted. He didn't expect Evan to throw the chess board out the window completely. "I'm supposed to st-stay up late every night that you go out to stop ro-robberies, and wait by the window, just in case you need me to patch you up, afterwards? I'm not useless, you kn-know!"

"You could be in a dangerous situation!" Connor replies, the heat and anger and hurt in his own voice rising and choking him. The idea that Evan could ever be in a position where Connor couldn't get to him, where he could die-

"So what if I am? You are too! Even w-worse than me! You can't stop me from worrying about you! You can't st-stop me from being terrified every time you leave that you won't c-c-come back!" Evan's yelling now, and Connor's terrified that he'll say something he doesn't mean, or say something loud enough for a neighbour to hear. "You crawled in my window t-tonight and you looked barely alive, and do you know what it would do to me if you d-died? If they got you? Do you know how it would destroy me?"

Connor's stomach drops. There are tears in Evan's eyes. He gasps a little as he inhales and rubs his eyes, impatiently.

"Don't act all high and mighty trying to protect me, because, at the en-en-end of the day, I'll be trying to pr-protect you from people who will leave you for dead in the middle of the road just so some amateur journalist can pull your mask off and snap a picture while you're unconscious. Or w-w-w-worse. You can't tell me that I should stand by while I could watch you die on live television. Let me help you. Please."

"Evan..." Connor reaches for him but Evan takes a step back. Connor stops breathing.

"You can't just walk in at two am, all beaten up, in your Spiderman outfit, and not expect me to want to _h-help_ you." Evan says. Silence fills the room.

Connor still doesn't dare to breathe. The subsiding dizziness creeps forward in his mind and Connor would rather die right here then fighting some maniac with a flamethrower down by Walmart.

"I can't stand by and watch you get yourself k-killed," Evan whispers, and swallows visibly. Connor watches his Adam's apple bob. "I can't let that happen, because I love you."

He watches Evan's chest rise and fall with breath and looks up into his earnest blue eyes.

He lets out the breath he was holding.

"I love you, too." He returns and tugs Evan into a hug. Evan's arms loop around Connor's neck, and he feels Evan start to cry, feels him clutch him as close as he dares.

It just makes Connor hug him tighter.

Like a promise.

Like he'll never let go.

He knows that he owes Evan so many explanations, and that there are so many loose ends, and that it's far from being over, and that everything will be different in the morning, because everything is a little less gorgeous in the day, but he has this for now.

And, he might die tomorrow, but Connor knows that at least there isn't so much that he left unsaid, now.

**Fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked this, feel free to leave a comment and/or a kudos, and hmu on Tumblr @nose-coffee to chat or prompt, I don't mind.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
